A Reasonable Explanation

A Reasonable Explanation

 

 

“There is an entirely reasonable explanation for this.” His hands came to rest on his chest over his racing heart.

She glared. “How can there…. Fine. Ok, fine. Tell me.”

He sighed and began. “I-”

Do not waste my time.” Her finger danced menacingly in front of his face.

“Ok… Here goes… Did you know that crazy glue was invented originally to seal wounds on the battlefield?”

“No… What does that have to do wi-”

“Ok, just hear me out. Just hear me out ok… Ok, so crazy glue…” His gulping was audible to her. “So the etymology of the word crazy ultimately comes from Latin, it mea-”

“No it does not. It does not come from Latin. That is incorrect. It comes from the Teutonic branch of Indo-European, not the Latin branch. Scandinavian, actually.”

Oh God, what are the odds she would know that?! he asked himself.

“And that has nothing to do with why you have a rabbit in your pants,” she declared.

The rabbit continued thumping away. Poor Ginger Rabbit was still stuck in the man’s pants, going nowhere at all. 

He stared blankly. “I’m a magician. Of sorts,” he said. 

The look on her face told him that not only did she not believe him, but she didn’t care. 

“Why do you people keep coming in here and stuffing rabbits down your pants. What, is this some sort of perverted new kick?” she asked indignantly.

His mind began to race. You people… Oh God, do people come in here and stuff rabbits down their pants for some sort of unwholesome thrill? No, no she’ll get the wrong idea, I have to explain… He tried to speak but she cut him off with the menacing finger.

“That’s it, I’m calling the cops.” She turned toward the phone. 

He glanced at the pet store exit. He guessed it was at least twenty feet away. If he ran for it, he might hurt poor Ginger Rabbit. No, best to try to reason this one out. An innocent man has nothing to fear, he told himself. Her hand had yet to touch the phone.

“Wait, wait, just hear me out. Trust me, you’ll be apologizing to me after you … let me finish… uhh… Ok, from the very beginning… When sperm penetrates an ovary, the cells…”

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C.H. Huey

I am pure light and being, and require no undergarments.

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